Some Days I Am Brilliant. Other Days, Yeah…Not So Much
I am up to three and a half miles on the treadmill. I run at a steady 5 mph pace for thirty-five minutes and then walk for another five minutes to cool down. I no longer want to kill myself when I wake up the morning after a run and my shins no longer throb with pain.
I think I’m getting the hang of this running thing, is what I’m saying.
Granted, my ass still looms large over my ankles and that extra roll on my stomach is still hitching a ride but, I console myself with the thought that I am trying.
Also, while I have yet to experience the elusive “runner’s high” that all the cool kids keep talking about; I do experience a brief moment of perfect clarity right around mile marker 2. For instance, yesterday, while running and listening to my iPod, I realized that the correct lyrics to The Pussycat Dolls When I Grow Up include the words “I want to have groupies”. Not, “I want to have boobies”.
See? Clarity.
Also, how embarrassed am I that I have been singing “I want to have boobies” this whole time?
In other embarrassing news, last night I got dressed up and prepared to head out to a girlfriend’s house to pick her up for book club. I needed some clarification on the directions to her house so, I called her which is when she gently informed me that book club is next month.
I am genius; do you hear me, MENSA?
GENIUS!
Tuesday, February 09, 2010
Monday, February 08, 2010
Occasionally, the Movie Is Better Than the Book
Case in point: Dear John.
Jana and I took the girls to see the movie Saturday night. The book, by Nicholas Sparks was, in my estimation, meh. And, by meh, I mean; oh look, another Nicholas Sparks novel that ends in tears. The movie, while hanky-worthy, was far less depressing and, not just because Channing Tatum is ridiculously good looking, although; Channing Tatum is ridiculously good looking.
Our weekend was pretty busy; besides going to the movies, we attended The Teenager’s volleyball tournament on Sunday. The girls played really well, and, while they didn’t place in the top three this time, they had fun and, we got to leave the gym before the sun set. In fact, we got home early enough to watch some movies from our Netflix list as well as to make fun of Hugh for incorrectly identifying a gothic kid in one of the shows as “emu” rather than emo. For the record, The Teenager had to excuse herself to use the bathroom, she was laughing so hard at her father’s gaffe and, also for the record; we both fully intend to tease him about it for the remainder of his life.
We're sweet like that.
Tonight, I am headed to my first meeting of a book club that I have been invited to join. This month's selection was a collection by Maya Angelou and, if I'm being completely honest; it wasn't one of my favorites. Also, I'm guessing; it wouldn't make a very good movie.
Even if it starred Channing Tatum; there are just some things that pretty can't fix.
Case in point: Dear John.
Jana and I took the girls to see the movie Saturday night. The book, by Nicholas Sparks was, in my estimation, meh. And, by meh, I mean; oh look, another Nicholas Sparks novel that ends in tears. The movie, while hanky-worthy, was far less depressing and, not just because Channing Tatum is ridiculously good looking, although; Channing Tatum is ridiculously good looking.
Our weekend was pretty busy; besides going to the movies, we attended The Teenager’s volleyball tournament on Sunday. The girls played really well, and, while they didn’t place in the top three this time, they had fun and, we got to leave the gym before the sun set. In fact, we got home early enough to watch some movies from our Netflix list as well as to make fun of Hugh for incorrectly identifying a gothic kid in one of the shows as “emu” rather than emo. For the record, The Teenager had to excuse herself to use the bathroom, she was laughing so hard at her father’s gaffe and, also for the record; we both fully intend to tease him about it for the remainder of his life.
We're sweet like that.
Tonight, I am headed to my first meeting of a book club that I have been invited to join. This month's selection was a collection by Maya Angelou and, if I'm being completely honest; it wasn't one of my favorites. Also, I'm guessing; it wouldn't make a very good movie.
Even if it starred Channing Tatum; there are just some things that pretty can't fix.
Friday, February 05, 2010
This One Time, At Band Camp...
I read a lot of blogs and online diaries, probably many more than I should read considering that there is work to do and all but, no one is perfect, right?
My point, and I do have one, is that I really enjoy reading about other people. I like to peek inside the private universe in which they live and to compare and contrast my experiences, thoughts, and feelings with those of the writer. I especially enjoy reading about people’s childhoods and formative experiences because they often serve as reminders of my own past.
And, I like being reminded of my history, as I think most humans do.
So, to get to my next point, I have decided to set aside my own day of recollection. I am going to call it my Flashback Friday and, while I might not trip down memory lane every Friday, I will make a point of trying. Sometimes, it will be quite entertaining like, say, the time I set my mother’s kitchen on fire when I got distracted by a soap opera while frying eggs for breakfast during summer vacation. Sometimes, it might be sad, like the time I tore the ass out of my brand new jeans, the cute ones with the roller skate decal on the back pocket…man, I loved those jeans.
You get the point.
Anyway, today is Friday but I need to cut this short as I am leaving for the store in just a couple of minutes (there is work to be done and all) so, here goes a short flashback:
When I was a junior in high school, I cheered for the varsity wrestling team. During one of the matches that I was cheering for, our wrestler had his arm dislocated right in front of me. I can still remember the popping noise that it made and the groan that the wrestler made. The noise that the shoulder made when the coach snapped it back into place was not exactly pleasant, either.
Who wants to guess what I will be thinking about every time the Man-Cub takes to the mat this season?
Huh. Maybe Flashback Friday isn’t such a whippy idea, after all.
I read a lot of blogs and online diaries, probably many more than I should read considering that there is work to do and all but, no one is perfect, right?
My point, and I do have one, is that I really enjoy reading about other people. I like to peek inside the private universe in which they live and to compare and contrast my experiences, thoughts, and feelings with those of the writer. I especially enjoy reading about people’s childhoods and formative experiences because they often serve as reminders of my own past.
And, I like being reminded of my history, as I think most humans do.
So, to get to my next point, I have decided to set aside my own day of recollection. I am going to call it my Flashback Friday and, while I might not trip down memory lane every Friday, I will make a point of trying. Sometimes, it will be quite entertaining like, say, the time I set my mother’s kitchen on fire when I got distracted by a soap opera while frying eggs for breakfast during summer vacation. Sometimes, it might be sad, like the time I tore the ass out of my brand new jeans, the cute ones with the roller skate decal on the back pocket…man, I loved those jeans.
You get the point.
Anyway, today is Friday but I need to cut this short as I am leaving for the store in just a couple of minutes (there is work to be done and all) so, here goes a short flashback:
When I was a junior in high school, I cheered for the varsity wrestling team. During one of the matches that I was cheering for, our wrestler had his arm dislocated right in front of me. I can still remember the popping noise that it made and the groan that the wrestler made. The noise that the shoulder made when the coach snapped it back into place was not exactly pleasant, either.
Who wants to guess what I will be thinking about every time the Man-Cub takes to the mat this season?
Huh. Maybe Flashback Friday isn’t such a whippy idea, after all.
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Give Me a P! Give Me an M! Give Me an S!
What’s that spell? Possible Murderous rage coming Soon! Goooo….monthly cycle!
I would seriously knock over a Girl Scout for a thin mint right about now but, I had a full day and am exhausted. Also, I have no idea where to find a girl scout; is it just me or do they seem to disappear into thin air right after the cookie drive? And, please, don’t tell me they are out doing good works in the community or earning badges or some such shit because that’s just crazy talk.
And, while I would not entertain the idea of doing bodily harm to a Girl Scout normally; they must lace those cookies with crack, rendering even docile law-abiding citizens such as myself powerless to fight the urge to obtain the sweet, sweet minty, chocolately goodness at any cost, especially during this particular phase of the moon which, means it’s probably a lucky thing for Troop 479 that I don’t know where to find its’ members tonight.
Wow.
PMS and poor sentence structure; run on, sentence, run on!
Anyhoodle, in case you missed my point, PMS is the devil.
Currently, I am craving chocolate. And, salt. Preferably together. I am also highly and eratically emotional which pretty much explains why my idea of a perfect evening would include a box of Kleenex, a bag of M&M’s, a saltlick and the Hallmark Channel.
In short, it sucks to be female. Thanks for The Curse, Eve.
Oh, who am I kidding? This is Adam’s fault; he didn’t have to bite the apple just because Eve asked him to. Forget the Girl Scouts, I could knock over Adam right about now.
Especially if he had Thin Mints.
What’s that spell? Possible Murderous rage coming Soon! Goooo….monthly cycle!
I would seriously knock over a Girl Scout for a thin mint right about now but, I had a full day and am exhausted. Also, I have no idea where to find a girl scout; is it just me or do they seem to disappear into thin air right after the cookie drive? And, please, don’t tell me they are out doing good works in the community or earning badges or some such shit because that’s just crazy talk.
And, while I would not entertain the idea of doing bodily harm to a Girl Scout normally; they must lace those cookies with crack, rendering even docile law-abiding citizens such as myself powerless to fight the urge to obtain the sweet, sweet minty, chocolately goodness at any cost, especially during this particular phase of the moon which, means it’s probably a lucky thing for Troop 479 that I don’t know where to find its’ members tonight.
Wow.
PMS and poor sentence structure; run on, sentence, run on!
Anyhoodle, in case you missed my point, PMS is the devil.
Currently, I am craving chocolate. And, salt. Preferably together. I am also highly and eratically emotional which pretty much explains why my idea of a perfect evening would include a box of Kleenex, a bag of M&M’s, a saltlick and the Hallmark Channel.
In short, it sucks to be female. Thanks for The Curse, Eve.
Oh, who am I kidding? This is Adam’s fault; he didn’t have to bite the apple just because Eve asked him to. Forget the Girl Scouts, I could knock over Adam right about now.
Especially if he had Thin Mints.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Disoriented
Last night’s Freshman orientation went spectacularly well. The Teenager and I listened attentively (as attentively as she could from the back of the room where she was texting away in the company of her friends, anyway) and, by the end of the evening; I had her entire academic career lined out. She’s going into a fast-track program with a side of NJROTC thrown in for good measure.
Kidding, she totally drew the line at allowing me to sign her up for NJROTC and, really, the thought of purposely arming her strikes fear in my heart so, yeah; we are all the better for her refusal.
Anyway, I was feeling pretty damn smug about my prowess for determining academic electives from mandatory academic classes and non-academic electives from academic electives and x=yxz divided by pi, etc. until I got home when; WTF, Lost? Why you gotta make me feel stupid all over again?
Seriously, if you understood five minutes of that show last night, please do share. Otherwise, I shall simply resign myself to the fact that I can enjoy the show for nothing more than the pretty, pretty men who star in it.
Not that there’s anything wrong with Teh Pretty, it's just, well, I would kind of like to know what the hell is going on.
So, I have a proposition to make to the school district; why not expose your students to a massive exercise in Critical Thinking by offering a class based on the interpretation and scientific explanation of Lost?
Like, for realz.
Hell, I would totally sign up for that class and, just for fun, I would sit next to The Teenager because; my often-heavy breathing over Teh Pretty wouldn’t embarrass her at all.
Last night’s Freshman orientation went spectacularly well. The Teenager and I listened attentively (as attentively as she could from the back of the room where she was texting away in the company of her friends, anyway) and, by the end of the evening; I had her entire academic career lined out. She’s going into a fast-track program with a side of NJROTC thrown in for good measure.
Kidding, she totally drew the line at allowing me to sign her up for NJROTC and, really, the thought of purposely arming her strikes fear in my heart so, yeah; we are all the better for her refusal.
Anyway, I was feeling pretty damn smug about my prowess for determining academic electives from mandatory academic classes and non-academic electives from academic electives and x=yxz divided by pi, etc. until I got home when; WTF, Lost? Why you gotta make me feel stupid all over again?
Seriously, if you understood five minutes of that show last night, please do share. Otherwise, I shall simply resign myself to the fact that I can enjoy the show for nothing more than the pretty, pretty men who star in it.
Not that there’s anything wrong with Teh Pretty, it's just, well, I would kind of like to know what the hell is going on.
So, I have a proposition to make to the school district; why not expose your students to a massive exercise in Critical Thinking by offering a class based on the interpretation and scientific explanation of Lost?
Like, for realz.
Hell, I would totally sign up for that class and, just for fun, I would sit next to The Teenager because; my often-heavy breathing over Teh Pretty wouldn’t embarrass her at all.
Teh Pretty, in case you didn't know.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Damn You Punxsutawney Phil, Damn You
Hey, hey! Remember when I promised you that my annual This Weather Sucks I Am So Tired of Winter post would be coming soon? Here it is! I know; you feel so lucky.
Anywaaay, the weather isn’t too bad currently but, that damn rodent in Pennsylvania saw his shadow this morning, predicting an additional six weeks of winter. That’s just marvelous, Phil! Thanks so much for that; I bet we have snow before the week is out.
Ooh, hey! I bet we have snow on Sunday when I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to drive The Teenager to Neighboring City for volleyball because, in case you missed yesterday’s point; Mother Nature has a sense of humor. And, she’s a bitch.
On a less depressing topic, The Teenager and I are going to her Freshman Orientation this evening.
Ok, I lied, not less depressing.
Hugh won’t be attending the meeting with us because he will be busy corralling eight billion pee wee wrestlers in the school’s mini-gym at our first practice of the season. I’m really torn up about missing that (cough-sarcasm-cough) but, my duty is to my first-born this evening.
Speaking of duties, the president of our youth baseball association called last night to remind me that we have to start planning for this year’s baseball season. I don’t know how to tell him that I have decided to resign from my position as secretary of the Board but, I’m certain I’ll come up with something.
Perhaps a Dear John letter would be appropriate.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy participating on the Board; it’s just that I have a very limited amount of free time and I’m trying to be more selective in how I spend it. Plus, the nominating committee for my women’s service club just asked me to run for second Vice President and, while my modus operandi for the past two elections in which I have run for office was to find out whom I was running against and then to campaign for them; this time I’m thinking about actually trying to win and; a girl can only do so much at one time.
(This is exactly what I should put in that Dear John letter.)
Or, I could crawl into Phil’s burrow and ignore the world for six more weeks.
Ha! If only that were an option.
Hey, hey! Remember when I promised you that my annual This Weather Sucks I Am So Tired of Winter post would be coming soon? Here it is! I know; you feel so lucky.
Anywaaay, the weather isn’t too bad currently but, that damn rodent in Pennsylvania saw his shadow this morning, predicting an additional six weeks of winter. That’s just marvelous, Phil! Thanks so much for that; I bet we have snow before the week is out.
Ooh, hey! I bet we have snow on Sunday when I have to get up at the ass-crack of dawn to drive The Teenager to Neighboring City for volleyball because, in case you missed yesterday’s point; Mother Nature has a sense of humor. And, she’s a bitch.
On a less depressing topic, The Teenager and I are going to her Freshman Orientation this evening.
Ok, I lied, not less depressing.
Hugh won’t be attending the meeting with us because he will be busy corralling eight billion pee wee wrestlers in the school’s mini-gym at our first practice of the season. I’m really torn up about missing that (cough-sarcasm-cough) but, my duty is to my first-born this evening.
Speaking of duties, the president of our youth baseball association called last night to remind me that we have to start planning for this year’s baseball season. I don’t know how to tell him that I have decided to resign from my position as secretary of the Board but, I’m certain I’ll come up with something.
Perhaps a Dear John letter would be appropriate.
It’s not that I don’t enjoy participating on the Board; it’s just that I have a very limited amount of free time and I’m trying to be more selective in how I spend it. Plus, the nominating committee for my women’s service club just asked me to run for second Vice President and, while my modus operandi for the past two elections in which I have run for office was to find out whom I was running against and then to campaign for them; this time I’m thinking about actually trying to win and; a girl can only do so much at one time.
(This is exactly what I should put in that Dear John letter.)
Or, I could crawl into Phil’s burrow and ignore the world for six more weeks.
Ha! If only that were an option.
Monday, February 01, 2010
Mother Nature Has a Sense of Humor and, The One Thing You Never Want to Hear Your Teenage Daughter Say
This morning I was all prepared to write my annual This Weather Sucks I Am So Tired of Winter post when, what do you know? Mother Nature throws a perfectly lovely day my way. Warm temperatures, sunshine, no wind; it was awesome.
Annual This Weather Sucks I Am So Tired of Winter post to be scheduled for a later date; probably this time next week. Or, tomorrow, it is Colorado after all.
On a topic slightly related to Mother Nature, when I got home from work today; The Teenager greeted me at the door with a woeful “You’ll never guess who I’m having a baby with” to which I replied “I don't know but; the story had better include the words immaculate and conception” to which she replied “Oh my gawwwwd, motherrr! I mean, guess who I got partnered with in Science for our gene project! God! You are so lame!”
I’ll take being lame over being a grandma at 41 any day of the week, thankyouverymuch.
This morning I was all prepared to write my annual This Weather Sucks I Am So Tired of Winter post when, what do you know? Mother Nature throws a perfectly lovely day my way. Warm temperatures, sunshine, no wind; it was awesome.
Annual This Weather Sucks I Am So Tired of Winter post to be scheduled for a later date; probably this time next week. Or, tomorrow, it is Colorado after all.
On a topic slightly related to Mother Nature, when I got home from work today; The Teenager greeted me at the door with a woeful “You’ll never guess who I’m having a baby with” to which I replied “I don't know but; the story had better include the words immaculate and conception” to which she replied “Oh my gawwwwd, motherrr! I mean, guess who I got partnered with in Science for our gene project! God! You are so lame!”
I’ll take being lame over being a grandma at 41 any day of the week, thankyouverymuch.
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